Today is race day, and instead of being laced up running my first loop around the Javelina 100-mile course, I’m sitting at my desk writing this post.

I’m heartbroken, to say the least. I dreamed big and didn’t even come close to achieving my goals. I knew 100 miles was a moonshot, but I truly believed it was possible.

Exactly one year ago, I wrote My 2026 Moonshot goal, the post that started it all. It begins with this:

“Anything is possible when you are willing to endure the highs, the lows, and everything in between.”

Just the reminder I needed today.

A chronic case of sciatica sidelined me from the race, and has left me in what feels like an almost sedentary state. Today, I’m somewhere between the lowest of lows and highest of highs.

For the past year, I worked hard to take care of my body as I strived toward my moonshot goal. I pushed when things felt good and pulled back when things felt off. I’ve practiced patience like never before.

Unfortunately, there’s been more pulling back than pushing forward. Instead of a physical feat of endurance, this past year has been a true test of mental endurance. Patience has been the name of the game.

It’s hard to say when it started, but I’ve been dealing with a nagging, knife-like pain down my leg for what feels like eternity. The pain is exacerbated by all forms of movement — sitting, standing, walking, running, biking, lifting. . . name the movement, it irritates it.

At first, I tried physical therapy and cross-training. No change.

I continued with physical therapy, decreased my mileage, and added shockwave therapy. Small change.

I took a few weeks off of all forms of movement other than walking. Pain subsided.

I continued my rehab exercises and slowly reintroduced running and resistance training. Nerve pain returned.

I stopped running, tried cycling, continued light resistance training, and added dry needling. Pain decreased, but still present.

I stopped all forms of structured exercise and continued therapy. Pain persisted.

It seems no amount of pulling back will fully relinquish this sensation down my leg. I’m at a loss. I finally got an MRI of my hip and spine to see what might be causing the issue. Four things showed up:

1. Mild/moderate foraminal stenosis at L5-S1.
2. Shallow posterior disc bulge at L4-5 without spinal canal or foraminal stenosis.
3. Evidence of ischiofemoral impingement.
4. Tendinopathy at the hamstring origin without tear.

Simply put, I have a small disc bulge that might be irritating my sciatic nerve. There is narrowing of the canal that my sciatic nerve runs through, which is pinching the nerve. There is narrowing between the space of my hip bone and thigh bone, which causes pinching of both a muscle and the sciatic nerve during movement. And last, but not least, my hamstring tendon is frayed, but not torn (fortunately).

The findings speak to the reason I likely haven’t seen much improvement in my condition. Each of these conditions requires different types of therapies, some in opposition of each other. The sports medicine doctor gave me two paths to go down:

1. The conservative approach – Continue with the physical therapy and decreased movement.
2. The aggressive approach – Steroid injections into both of the problem areas to reduce the inflammation.

The doctor said the aggressive approach will likely get rid of the pain and hopefully, so long as I continue strengthening the muscles surrounding the hip and spine, I won’t have another flare-up.

Sounds great, there’s just one catch: Steroid injections have unwanted side effects, like tissue loss and cartilage damage. I’m already suffering the consequences of taking the ill-advised recommendation from another doctor to do repeated steroid injections in my foot (a story for another day), so my enthusiasm for this approach is lacking.

I recently learned about the promising effects of stem cell therapy and PRP for stenosis and bulging discs, but these treatments aren’t covered by insurance. They also cost an arm and a leg. Seeing that I’ve already spent a fortune trying to resolve this issue, I’ll hold off.

For now, my plan is to stick with the conservative approach and continue the grueling practice of patience. I’ve learned the hard way from this experience that the quick fix never gets you far in life. Instead, the best outcomes are the result of hard work, patience, and optimism.

With this in mind, I’m hopeful taking the conservative approach will, slowly, but surely, get me to the start line of another race.

Though I’m inclined to see my DNS (did not start) as a failure, I know deep down this isn’t the case. As I mentioned at the outset of this journey,

“It’s not the outcome of 100 miles I’m after. I’m in it for the transformation of self that’s inevitable as I strive toward this goal.”

I may not have achieved my athletic goals, but I’ve walked away from this experience with more patience, gratitude, and self-compassion, three traits I’m certain will help carry me across a future finish line.

Chronicling this journey has proven immensely valuable, as it’s the allowed me to see the progress I’ve made not as an athlete, but as a human, over the last year. It’s left me with invaluable insights, one of which is the perfect way to wrap up today’s reflection.

In a post titled, Just Keep Moving, I wrote:

Movement is transformation; it’s change in action. When we’re willing to put one foot in front of the other, we progress. Willingness is the way forward. If change and transformation are what we seek,

“We must develop the compulsion to act despite the resistance and uncertainty. We must do the thing we are willing to do, even if it’s not the grand thing, and repeat those actions and create momentum around that without knowing where it’s going to lead us.” – Rich Roll, The Freetrail Podcast

The reward is not found in the questioning, it’s found in the doing. One foot in front of the other, we make our way forward. 

Nothing brings the rewards of moving. Just keep moving.

These words continue to carry me through hard times. Though there is still so much uncertainty surrounding my return to running, I’m choosing to believe that anything is possible if I’m willing to endure all that life throws at me.

Each day affords a new opportunity to change my circumstances; to improve my condition, even if only slightly, and get me one step closer to achieving the seemingly impossible.

Onward and upward with strength and determination.

To the runners who made it to the start line: Congratulations, what a huge accomplishment! Best of luck today! I’m cheering for you and can’t wait to watch your hard work pay off. Nothing inspires me more than seeing others chase their own big dreams.